Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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