My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
