Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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