Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
