I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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