What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
