we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
