@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
accomplished twins. life is a go
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
