Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
