So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
