Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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