Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
