I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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