Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
