Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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