I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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