I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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