When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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