yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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