Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
