After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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