the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
