so explain again why im purple
no
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
