im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
