U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
