I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize