just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
