So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
