Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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