He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
