I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
