Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
