I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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