watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
