whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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