is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
