I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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