Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
We don't watch enough power rangers
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
