He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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