I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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