how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
This is my gift to your gina
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize