We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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