what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
