I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You made out with two different species that night
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
