haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
