He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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