Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
