these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
