last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
