You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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