My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
