Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
