he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize