This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
