just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
