Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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