yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
