Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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