You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
