Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
