whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
